That conversation with Janet stayed with me all night.
I was bothered by a number of things. The main thing is that it became quite clear to me that the women in John's family bonded together to move his care in a particular direction. It doesn't especially matter whether or not that direction is the right one, or even if I agree or disagree. It's that it was done without his knowledge or consent. Or mine in the event he was unable to make those decisions.
I decided to come at this from a place of healing. We all want him well and while we may squabble at how we approach it, we all want the same end result.
Just how many times do I have to repeat that to myself until I fully believe it? I mostly do... but there's a little wee piece.... it's just not sitting right.
I do my usual routine of working til 11 then packing up going to the hospital and setting my office up there. While I am mid setup - Dr. Chobani arrives. He takes this moment to tell me that he spoke to Helen, John's younger sister. I had given permission a few days ago. So I didn't find this odd. After the usual pleasantries, he said, "I've ordered a brain scan for John. His sister suggested it and I agree that he's too confused for this to be normal".
I want to slap my hand against my forehead and do a Homer Simpson "Doh".
THAT'S where the hoopla on the brain scan came from. It started with Helen, escalated to Janet and then was told to Bettina.
And was going to be subtly slipped past John and I.
All I could think of as I watched him sleep, was how infuriated he would be with the women in his family. The last time he was seriously ill, well, let's just say there's a really good reason we don't talk much about the family dynamic at that point. His brother Adam, had a debilitating neurological disease that had him at deaths door, John was his caretaker. Bettina pulled out every stop both supportive and financial to save her youngest but you don't survive this illness. So in the last third of Adam's life, Bettina was now faced with both of her sons in critical condition. Only John had the medical possibility of surviving and she opted to support the Adam.
John was put under medical coma in order to regulate his breathing and get his electrolytes back in balance as they were critically low. He was under for a total of 3 days. During that time, Bettina was his medical proxy. On paper I had little say in anything. However, She let me do the heavy lifting though because I was there day to day and she was busy with Adan. Until she WANTED to be involved. Upon coming out of the coma, the side effects include confusion and severe debilitating depression. She used the depression against him and he spent more time in the hospital then was necessary.
Because this all happened on their watch last time, I knew he would lose his mind. Nevertheless, I tell him the entire truth and he attempts to have the MRI aka the "brain scan". It's a closed MRI and he just couldn't handle the enclosed space. Helen sent him a text when it failed that said "Buck up and just do it! What's the big deal you just have to lie there". He almost threw the phone across the room.
The MRI techs all said that we could do this test with anesthesia. I said that's perfect. John agreed that the only way he would get in that tube is under heavy sedation.
End of story, right?
Not even close. Not even close.
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