Chapter 1: The Journey begins

Home.  Finally.

It's Saturday. I only know this because work, one of life's normal stresses, has been momentarily lifted from my shoulders.  It will resume on Monday.

It's been interesting re-establishing a routine after being away for so long.  I have not been "away" in the traditional terms ( vacation, business trip, on location for some glamorous film), but have been spending 10-12 hours a day with my husband in the hospital.  excluding the 1 hour each way for traveling.

Oh.  That's right. You're new here.  Let me back track a bit.

In October I married my prince, John.  He's the other half of my soul, a most amazing man.  We'd been together the better part of 8 years.  He had battled and won the war against Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the tonsils back in 2008.

Or so we thought.

On a particularly nasty cold day at the end of January, he had a chest cold.  Nothing wacky or weird given the horrific winter we had been having.  I suggested he see a doctor.  John, being the tough guy that he is, thought he would muscle it through.

It was when he threw out his back shoveling the cars out from under the snow that finally convinced him to get a physical and some scripts for his cough.

A visit to the new primary care physician called for lots of tests and a follow up 6-8 weeks later. Four days after that visit, the results of the blood work were in and YES!!!!  No cancer markers!  Phew!!!!  Awesome news.  So what if his cholesterol was a little bit high, and his thyroid or creatine too?  Those can be fixed! Doctor says lower your sodium! No problem!  WE CAN DO THIS.

Famous last words.

A few weeks later, John begins complaining about shooting pains in his right side.  We send him back to the doctor who puts him on LevoFloxcin and sends him for an X-Ray.

The LevoFloxcin is kicking in and the cough is FINALLY going away.  YAY!  I am hearing my husbands voice coming back! The VIOLENT coughing is starting to be, well, less violent.

We all the doctor to get the results of the xray.  The conversation goes like this:

"Hi, This is John CartWright.  I'm calling for the results of my Xray."
"Please hold"
"Hi John, Dr Feldner here.  We have your results.  It looks like Bone Cancer."
"OK.  I'll call my Oncologist first thing Monday morning"

I am sitting on the couch next to John with my mouth hanging open.  I am shocked. Stunned.  Speechless (which, for those of you that know me, is almost unfathomable).

I don't even know what to think, let alone say or act.  So I did what I do best.  Research.

His Oncologist from 2008 had gone back to her native country.  So I had to start over from the drawing board.  I signed onto my health insurer's website and started researching oncologists in the area and what hospitals they were affiliated with.

After hours of research, I find 2 in the same practice that have offices one town over in Baldsville and are affiliated with the South Ocean Hospital here and one of the many hospitals affiliated with Memorial Sloane Kettering.  Brilliant.  We are IN.

I go through the rest of that Saturday in a blur.  John wanted to rest because one his many aches and pains was in his right leg.  "Sciatica" I thought.  Still do.  He sent me to one of my best friends houses for dinner, Jeanie.

I leave the house, reluctantly.  I get in the van and start driving.  I realize that I am still in my pajamas and slippers and I am lost.  How did I get lost going to her house?  I drive there ALL the time? I pull over, pull out my phone and bring up my GPS.  I realize where I am, and get myself turned around.  How did I get lost IN MY OWN TOWN?????

My head was up my ass, that's why.

Dinner was exactly what I needed.  Good food, great friends, no thinking or in my case, over thinking.

Sunday was spent at church and then with John trying to make him comfortable because the "Sciatica" (more on that later) was making him crazy with pain.

We go to bed that night holding hands and agreeing to face this head on, no matter what the diagnosis is, outcome is,  we are going to fight.